Saying Goodbye
by VampireVeins
Summary: The last things the Doctor thought as he saw Rose for the last time. Sorry if any of this isn't consistent with the show. The whole regeneration process can really confuse me sometimes.


**A/N this is my first story on this account. If I got anything wrong with the facts please let me know. I might not be as knowledgeable because I've only just gotten to the episodes with 11. Thank you for any constructive criticism or complements. I really Enjoyed writing this maybe my other stories will be longer but this is just a one-shot to move into this one step at a time. ENJOY :) **

**P.S. Obviously I don't own Doctor Who**

He wasn't allowed to mess with his own timeline the doctor knew this very well. Hundreds of things could go wrong ,but he felt like a man who'd been told he had A few days to live and was recklessly breaking rules for the sake of crossing things off his bucket list. His hearts pounded as he reached his final and honestly his most important destination. He stepped from the Tardis onto the lamp lit street. Snow felt delicately from the sky.

This is was so dangerous so completely foolish of him, but it was also his last chance. Last time to see his beloved Rose. He wondered if she'd recognize him at all. If her heart would ache for a reason unknown to her, or that maybe she'd feel drawn to him. In the darkest recesses of his heart he hoped she would recognize him and come running into his arms. Maybe he could hold her one last time before he changed.

Two blond heads came around the corner. One was Jackie and the other Rose, his Rose. She was more beautiful than ever. He'd seen many woman alien women, time lord women, and human woman. He'd seen whole planets of women dedicated to looking as beautiful as possible but none of them came close to matching Rose. It wasn't even a competition, and if it was Rose would always win. She could never lose in his heart.

He suddenly longed for a time that hadn't been that long ago but seemed like ages, like longer than his hundreds of years. A time when seeing Rose didn't mean something crazy was happening with the space time continuum. A time when his biggest fear was Jackie's wrath over him stealing his daughter and not the bleak fear of never seeing her daughter again.

Suddenly he felt a great wave of jealousy wash over him completely. It was almost staggering in its weight. A jealousy of well... Himself. Yes his other self that was him but also not him. That man could be with Rose fully and completely. He, that lucky man, could look into her lovely eyes, hold her close, and kiss her soft lips. He could do everything The Doctor himself had dreamed of in the inner corners of his mind ever since he'd met Rose Tyler. He could make her laugh, and spend holidays with her, and give her all the wonderful gifts she deserved, he could marry her and profess his love Everyday. That version of him could spill out his affections to her and not worry that it might be the last thing she heard. He could kiss her, and touch her skin, and feel her and know her in so many intimate ways... He could make love to her. At that thought even in the cold the Doctors face grew warm. He felt embarrassed to be thinking these things right in front of rose and her mother. Jackie mumbled something to Rose and went in a shop. Rose watched her go.

He delved back into his twisted pool of jealousy imagining the children they'd have and he hoped with both of his hearts that they got mainly Roses traits for she was far better in every possible way than he was. He could grow old with her. These were all things the Doctor longed for but could not have.

He's often tried to see of it were possible for him to tap into his other self. To see if it was possible to feel what he was feeling. To feel her, to feel happiness, because to him they were one and the same. Rose meant happiness to him no matter where they were or what they were doing, but along with happiness she also meant ache, and longing.

"Are you alright?" Her beautiful voice asked. She's seen him. He felt like a fish out of water. He was supposed to say the first thing though he hasn't even planned it. Now he was left to think quick on his feet. He'd had to do it before but something about her made it harder to spout out a witty response than to a cyber man, dalek, or some other alien.

"Oh yeahhh" he drawled. "I was just uh having a stroll in the winter air.. I hear it's good for you," he said

Trying for a smile. She smiled back and his hearts fluttered.

"Well it is a lovely night," she said looking up at the sky then back at him with a smile.

"Yeah," he said looking directly at her. "It sure is," and she blushed lightly at the intensity of his gaze. She was sure shed never seen him before but he looked at her like he knew her. She knew she probably shouldn't be talking to strangers in corners but something about him made her not have the slightest bit of worry like she trusted him but she'd only known him a few seconds. She could've walked away but she couldn't something about him seemed different from anyone shed ever met.

"Looking forward to the new year?" He broke the silence and his voice cracked as he said it as though he were in pain.

"I dunno," she shrugged. "You always start out hopeful don't you, but then as the year goes on it fades," she said with a look in her eyes that said she was so used to excitement fading into routine.

"I wouldn't be so sure," he said with a pained grin. At this point he didn't know if it was the pain of seeing her and her not knowing him, or the pain of transformation. Either way he hurt, he hurt all over in every way. "I've got a feeling about you, I think you'll have a great year," he said encouragingly.

"You think?" She said with the first real true smile she'd given tonight making the Doctor fill with pride knowing that even if she didn't recognize him he could get a true smile out of her.

"Yeah I do," he said just before Jackie screamed Roses name. Rose turned quickly and then looked back at The Doctor.

"I'd better be going," she said but she seemed sorry about it. "Bye then" she said slowly almost unsure if it was the right thing to do.

"Bye," he said with a small wave. She gave a light smile and turned and started walking away. The Doctor felt words build up inside of him and he couldn't stop them from coming all he could do was try to lower the volume of them.

"I love you!" It came out quiet and desperate like a plead almost. He realized this was the first time he'd actually said it in the company of anyone. Sure he'd thought it billions of times. Like when her eyes lit up as she looked at a new planet, or when her intelligence got them out of a jam, or when he held her tight and could smell strawberry in her hair, or simply when she was just walking around the Tardis asking him questions. All these times and many more he had longed to say those words but he'd kept quiet. Now he's said them allowed. Of course his duplicate had whispered them in her himself had pounded those words through the Tardis walls, but never had he said it in the public of anyone other than himself. He'd screamed and sobbed those words, as he sat alone in his time machine after projecting himself into her world and not finishing his sentence. He'd cursed himself over and over for not just spitting it out. Now he had spit it out and Rose was turning around.

"What did you say?" She asked.

"Oh, nothing," he said just barely managing a fake laugh. She raised her eyebrows but still turned and left. A part of him wanted to run after her screaming and explaining. Telling her that he loved her and she loved him too she just didn't know it yet. He wanted her to believe him and to show her everything. He wanted to beg her to use this time they had before it was too late to be together. But soon there wouldn't be much left of him for her to be with and that wouldn't work anyway.

Soon he'd be a new person. Though he'd be a completely different person he'd still remember Rose. A small part of him wished the new him wouldn't remember Rose so this pain would stop but he couldn't fully wish that. He'd rather have had a moment with her and never get to see her again than to never know her at all.

He wondered if the new him would feel the same way about Rose or if it would be like knowing a friend who was in great agony over lost love. He'd never been so fully devoted to someone before so he didn't know how he'd feel after his change. But one thing would always be certain. His tenth stage would always mean Rose to him. When he truly fell for her. Whatever 11 was like 10 would be defined by Rose and everything she was. The small part of 10 that would always be inside him would always, ALWAYS love Rose. She was _his_ Rose Tyler who had effected him far more than any Cyberman, Dalek, or universe he'd ever encountered. "The Time Lord and Rose," he chuckled to himself as the chaos of transformation began. "An interesting tale, but as all stories , it must come to an end ,but I know this story doesn't finish with 'and they both lived happily ever after'" he mused and then fell to the ground with the intensity of the change.

**A/N hope you liked it :) Please comment/favorite/and check out my other stories if I have any up yet. **


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